The above is what I often think when I hear about super-gross and totally nasty (like, OMG!) things like penises and (especially) va jay jays vaginas. If you, too, have this reaction, you’ve got a friend in the US Government.
Now, I know what you’re thinking — wasn’t there an election, oh, I don’t know, last year sometime? And, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we vote for someone who pledged to put the, er, “educational” back in “educational programs for kids?”
Let’s forget the fact that this ad doesn’t do much to provide helpful material for concerned parents (could you imagine, at the tender age of 7, sitting and coloring as your dad went into a miming frenzy in the kitchen at 4 PM before he told you not to not have sex, goddammit, until you were married? All while you were simply looking for your blue crayon to finish the sky in your Cute Baby Kittens & Puppies coloring book?). In fact, please forget most of the lies this advertisement purports: that good education is “just saying no;” that sex outside of marriage is bad and terrible and will make you sad and lonely and diseased and you’ll hate yourself for it; that kids need both a mother and a father to be happy and productive people.
Remember, ladies: the best advice is to just cross your legs until you’re hitched, and then you can look forward to 50 years of missionary sex, on your back, with your eyes tightly shut, thinking of something else. Just how it was meant to be.