Forget about the IQ, it’s all about the EQ

So according to a study with 2000 female twins, women who are more emotionally in touch with their feelings and their partners are better able to orgasm

Emotional intelligence–> the ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one’s self, of others, and of groups

“Women who are more “emotionally intelligent” get greater pleasure from sex, research on twins suggests”

Let’s Go to Iowa and Make it Official!

I’m a fan of Barack Obama. I have pictures of him up on my wall and everything. He blew me away during the election, when he and John McCain both performed HILARIOUS roasts of each other–he’s a gifted comedian (perhaps not surprising, given his superb oratory skills). This past weekend, he gave another fantastically funny speech at the White House Correspondent’s dinner (skip to 8:30-9:15 for my favorite part).

I was interested in his reference to same-sex marriage (start at around 3:45), for a few reasons:

Yeah, it was a cute joke and everything. But I’m not sure, at this point in his presidency, whether President Obama really has the right to make references to LGBT rights as if he were a proponent of them. Recently our country has had several big advances in the direction of LGBT equality, but none of it is thanks to President Obama. Indeed, he hasn’t prioritized LGBT rights at all. He has gone from a firm promise to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to a weak statement saying that it would probably happen “down the road”. His administration has not even agreed to halt firing people due to DADT until they finish investigating whether it is a fair policy–meaning that this administration is still spending money on firing people like Dan Choi, an Arabic language specialist who came out on Rachel Maddow’s show. Recently, he recived a letter from Lieutenant Sandy Tsao, who came out to her unit and implored Obama to repeal the discriminatory policy. He responded with a sweet handwritten note, saying“Sandy, thanks for the wonderful and thoughtful letter. It is because of outstanding Americans like you that I committed to changing our current policy. Although it will take some time to complete, partly because it needs congressional action, I intend to fulfill my commitment.”

I don’t know. President Obama seems like a wonderful man and I think he’s been doing an admirable job with his term so far. I realize that for the vast majority of Americans, taking care of the economy is the most important thing, and that taking decisive action on a controversial issue could be very problematic for him right now. I just wish he “intended to fulfill his commitment” a little earlier–before people like Dan Choi had to sacrifice their jobs.

What do you think?

empire kate

This past Monday, Kate Bornstein came to give a workshop based on her latest book, “Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternative to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws”. She began by offering a mini-lecture that quickly outlined systems of oppression and feminist/post-structuralist theory for dummies. Once we slogged past that, though, she started to get into the basics of her book, which recognizes all those who don’t fit the mold (whatever mold that is) and how lonely it can be. She fervently reminds those “outlaws”, those freaks and deviants and queers (straight or not), that living is always better than ending life out of desperation. Bornstein doesn’t care about being happy, just in doing what it takes to make life worth living. Using her own life as a frank example, she told us that she’s wanted to kill herself at six points in her life, and that it is important to take those moments to examine which of your identities is alienating you in an enveloping loneliness. With only one rule, “Don’t be Mean”, she advocates that each person do whatever it takes to keep on truckin’, gods or social norms or binaries be damned!

Besides the simple fact that Kate is a total badass, I really appreciated her lecture because, amidst the swirling maelstrom of mind-numbing jargon and discourse deconstruction that come with academia, it is rare that someone just tells you what to do about it. It can be discouraging when all you feel like you come to theoretically is a dead-end of overlapping and intersecting problems, so having someone tell you how to go on living your life, despite how much of a freak you are (or are perceived to be) is really refreshing and empowering. If Kate Bornstein can do it, can make a way for herself, accepting the reality of a seemingly dismal trudge through a world that is not always welcoming, and still feel optimism enough do something good with herself, then so can I.

She distributed a pamphlet, a “lite” version of her book, to the audience and encouraged us to copy it for our friends. As a faithful blogger, I’m linking you to the pdf of that pamphlet here. Give it a look through, it has some really interesting elements, including a scale of emotions, up or down which one can climb, suggestions for how to do that, and a “Get Out of Hell Free” card. It was a great lecture, and I want to sincerely thank CV for putting it on, and insist that you all check her and her book(s) out.

More good news!

 It looks like Maine might become the 5th state to approve same-sex marriage! The governor, John Baldacci, signed a bill supporting it, saying it’s his “responsibility to uphold the constitution”. It may take as late as November or next June for the law to go into effect, if it wins further approval, but this is still very exciting news! New York next, we hope!