Modern Love

The NYT published an interesting article on sex and love and loving (or not loving) sex.  Check it out!

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3 thoughts on “Modern Love

  1. I thought this article was interesting but I feel like I’ve heard it before: “men want to have more sex then women.” I never hear stories about women wanting to have more sex then men. Why aren’t their stories heard? And why does this woman only consider penile-vaginal intercourse as the only kind of sex out there? It seems like she had orgasms before and really enjoyed other sexual acts – maybe even other kinds of sex (oral, anal, etc). I’m glad this topic could be written about and published in a major newspaper (it was very brave of this woman to write about her experience) but I think there is more of a discussion to be had.

  2. Being religious and attending a church full of teens who are unsure (or reluctant to admit) what counts as sex (“Does oral SEX count as sex?”) I was most intrigued by this woman’s relationship with the Christian conservative. While they had not had penis-vagina (sorry, Chelsea, I’m not as scientific about it as you) sex, they had done everything else; yet, she could tell her fiance she was guiltless and the Christian conservative had nothing to confess to God. Oh, how we manipulate what counts as sex to our benefit!

  3. Perhaps this is just me projecting my own experiences on this piece, but I feel like you two are missing the point. Sex for this woman (and by sex, she does include all the sexual acts she has participated in), while enjoyable sometimes (though this enjoyment of sex seems to fade as love grows with each partner), is not that important to her. She has other things that interest her and excite her more.

    The jarring thing to me was that, in spite of our society being so prudish about sex at the “wrong” time, it seems rather adamant that it happen once two people are properly married. Her lack of desire for sex is referred to as something that she should “get treatment for” as if it was something that was obviously wrong with her. And, underlying this piece, there seems to be a sense of guilt; she feels that she should be “fixed” so that her husband will be happy and they will fill the “appropriate” roles of man and wife. This was the part that I found interesting. Is there really something wrong with someone who is more interested in other things than in sex? Is it wrong to not like sex? It certainly isn’t wrong to not like broccoli or not like skiing. No one would demand you get treatment to fix your absent desire for painting. Really, is sex any different? (And what happens when love and sex can be separated by one partner but not by the other? Which one is right and which one needs “treatment?”)

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